Friends

Tonight was a rather unusual meeting! Since Jael's family was out of town, Jael and Abi "participated" in the meeting via Skype. They even got to participate in one of the activities, using email instead of pencil and paper. :)

Since photos are usually by Jael when Sylvia does the lesson, she used screenshots to take pictures from her perspective... that is, the webcam. :D They may not be the best quality, but here they are:

Sophia and Mary

Daisy :)

Making muffins

The Lesson:

Tonight, the lesson topic is “friends”. As girls, we tend to need our friends! Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you need other people around you. God has designed us to function with others; there's a reason that solitary confinement is one of the worst tortures the Germans inflicted on prisoners during World War II.

Who here doesn’t want friends? (silence) Okay; who does? (everyone raises their hands)

While your parents and siblings should be some of your best friends, friendships outside your family can be very beneficial as well. However, as your parents have probably told you many times, you need to be careful when “choosing” your friends.

To a point, you don’t exactly choose your friends; you naturally become friends with people whom you happen to be around a lot. People you see at Lyceum… people who live in your neighborhood… people who always seem to be invited to the same parties as you… etc. But you do have the ability to choose who you make an effort to spend time with. And the people you spend time with the most will be the people who influence the kind of person you become. If you hang around someone who loves Ninja, you start wanting to play Ninja more. Trust me; I've been this influence on several of my friends! If you are always with someone who loves glorpes, you will be persuaded to love glorpes too. Of course, you can fight that influence… if you think Buggles are better than glorpes or if you hate Ninja and would rather play Frisbee, you can resist your friend’s endeavors to “change your mind” for you. However, it’s much harder to resist the influence of a friend – someone you like – to someone you don’t like or don’t hang out with much.

Friends’ influence isn’t merely "games and glorpes", though. If you spend enough time with someone, you start acting like them – maybe borrowing their favorite phrases or words, or treating your siblings the way they treat theirs. Often it’s unconscious. I once talked to a girl who was struggling because her friends at school all used bad language. Even though she tried not to say the bad words they did, she told me that when she stubbed her toe or something, she had started to use those words. She knew they were wrong, and she honestly tried not use them, but since her friends were always swearing, swearing seemed like the natural thing to do whenever she was off guard.

And the influence can be even more subtle. About seven years ago, I was in a kids’ choir that had long rehearsals every week, with a lot of free time before, during, and after each rehearsal. That free time was spent talking, and one girl in particular became my friend during that time. She was nice, but her favorite topic of conversation was her brother… and all of the horrible things he did to her. She always seemed to be complaining about him, so guess what I started to do? At that time, I only had two brothers and one sister, but I started complaining to her about all of them, constantly finding fault with them, and seeing the negative rather than the positive. And this wasn’t just “teasing” complaining, it was more like “look at me, I'm so pitiful; I have a horrible life because of my brother” complaining. It was actually a good thing for me when this choir ended and I didn’t see this girl anymore.

Now, I'm not saying that just because your friend complains about her siblings that you shouldn’t talk to her anymore. The situation wouldn’t have been a problem for me if I'd been willing to counter her negativity with a positive attitude. However, since I wasn’t mature enough to do that, the friendship dragged me down and started to damage the relationships I had with my siblings.

We should never be in a hurry to end a friendship, but sometimes it is needful. If a friend is drawing you away from God or causing you to stumble in another way, you need to do something about it.

As with just about everything, the first step is to look at yourself. Think, “is this problem coming from me? What can I do to fix it?”

The second step, if you decide that you can’t fix the problem, is to go to your parents… which you should probably do in either case. Let your parents guide you through the process.

Next, go talk to your friend about it. It’s important to be humble and let them know that you’re not perfect- that you need help in this area. If the problem is that they use bad words, tell them that you’re struggling because your parents don’t want you to say those words, and ask them to please help you out by not saying words like that around you. Do NOT preach at them; be humble and loving.

If the friend is not a Christian, you need to be extra careful. Humility is vital- explain your standards and ask for their help. Be firm and don’t act like you’re ashamed of your beliefs or your parents’ rules, but be loving and humble. Remember, this is your friend! Don’t threaten to end your friendship with them; make it clear that you care about them. Then, talk to your parents again. If your parents tell you it would be wise to end the friendship, have them guide you heavily through the process. Remember humility! And remember that you are a witness to your friend; you reflect Christ to them. Your influence may eventually bring them to salvation.

It’s never about what we get out of a friendship; friendships are all about giving to others. However, our relationship with Christ comes first. That’s why, when a friendship threatens to seriously injure our relationship with God, we might have to get out of that friendship, or at least avoid being around that friend until we’re mature enough to handle whatever temptation comes from them.

Now, what if your problem isn’t that your friends are influencing you badly, but that your friends aren’t influencing you- because you don’t have close friends?

Guess what? Just about every girl goes through this at one time or another. I went through a period of about three years where I had hardly any friends. It was a huge struggle, and I was extremely lonely, but it was actually a blessing. God kept me from having friends those years because He wanted me to draw closer to Him and realize that He was enough for all my needs.

“Ironically”, it was just when I realized that I was happy without other friends because I had Jesus that He brought friends into my life. Bright Lights started- not this group, but Allison Whisler’s group in O'Fallon. I started forming great relationships with the girls in Bright Lights, especially with the girls in my small group. Then, God decided to bring an amazing girl into my life. This friendship started out in a really, really weird way… the girl first shoved me down the 7-story slide at the City Museum since I refused to go down it on my own, and then in Drama was cast as a nasty schoolgirl who kept insulting me and was supposed to try and hit me with a pie. It was a “fun” friendship; we were always insulting each other… but then, one day, she put an anonymous letter on my chair in Bright Lights. The thoughtfulness in that letter showed me that this wasn’t an ordinary girl… and so our friendship grew deeper. She encouraged me in my faith; she was willing to share her struggles with me and help me with mine; she lovingly and honestly told me my faults when I asked her; she prayed for me; she always led me back to God. I had never had such a friend before. I'm talking about Kalei Swogger.

Years before, I'd wanted a “true friend” who would be fun to hang out with, a positive influence, sweet, kind, etc. Kalei was that friend, but God had a bigger picture in mind than I did. He wanted me to develop a wonderful relationship with Him FIRST. When He had completed this, then He gave me Kalei… and soon, more friendships began growing… real, valuable friendships. Kalei was the first of many “true friends” whom I could trust and enjoy spending time with. It wasn’t until I got to the point where I didn’t need human friendships that God decided to grant all of my desires. That’s the way He works… He wants to make us fully dependent on Him so that we don’t need anything else to complete us or make us happy. And then, He showers blessings on us so that we have far more than we ever dreamed of having! Thus, we have a second, optional memory verse for this week which you can learn for extra points: Psalm 37:4. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. It’s on your lesson booklet under the actual memory verse, which is 2 Timothy 2:22. (Anyone going to have trouble remembering that reference?) I'll pass out the lesson booklets now, and while you’re putting them in your notebooks, I'll explain our next activity.