Bright Lights summer conferences

From the Tomorrow's Forefathers staff: 


We are excited to announce that Bright Lights Conferences have been scheduled for the summer! Taught by Sarah Mally and the Bright Lights staff, these conferences are designed to encourage young ladies to be strong for the Lord in their youth and shine radiantly as bright lights for Him!

Strong in the Lord Conference 

Age: 8-14

Topics:

• How to be Strong for the Lord in Your Youth

• Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

• How to Turn Your Heart to Your Parents

• How to Be a Bright Light in the World

• Keeping Yourself Pure from Polluting Influences

• Seeking the Lord with All of Your Heart

• Developing a Disciplined Walk with God

Includes insightful testimonies by godly young ladies, humorous skits, a chalk talk, harp music, singing, small group times with sharing and interaction, hands-on activities, and practical teaching that will challenge and prepare young ladies to remain strong for the Lord through their teen years.

Parents are encouraged to attend the conference in order to hear what their daughters are learning and reinforce it at home. While the girls are meeting in small groups, sessions will be offered for fathers and mothers. Sessions will cover topics such as the importance of protecting your children, how fathers can set a godly pace for their family, how to win the hearts of your daughters, and building strong mother/daughter relationships.

Schedule: Tuesday evening from 6:00 - 9:00 PM; Wednesday from 9:00 AM - 6:00 PM

Locations & Dates:

Rogers, Arkansas June 25-26

Dallas, Texas July 9-10

Columbus, Ohio August 9-10

Detroit, Michigan August 15-16

St. Cloud, Minnesota October 8-9

Cost: Regular Registration $15 per girl / $10 per parent

Late Registration (after June 11^th) $18 per girl / $12 per parent

To Register:

To register online, click here.

Visit the Bright Lights Website to learn more about the conferences.

For questions, feel free to e-mail the Bright Lights staff at conference@brightlightsministry.com  

Radiant Purity Conference

Age: 12-22+

Topics:

• Waiting for God’s Very Best

• Giving Your Heart to Your Parents

• Avoiding the Dangers of the World’s Thinking

• How to Delight in Jesus, Our Heavenly Prince

• Using Your Years of Singleness for God

• What the Lord Says About Modesty

• How to Guard Your Heart When You Have a Crush

• Living for God’s Purposes

• Being Wise in Internet Usage

A young lady who is pure shines with a radiant brightness in this world of darkness. How can a young lady stay physically and emotionally pure as she waits for God’s best in marriage? How can parents protect and guide? Creatively presented through stories and testimonies, practical instruction, skits, and real-life examples, this conference gives Biblical answers to everyday questions and deep life struggles. The material is discreet and appropriate for twelve year olds, yet relevant to all ages. Includes testimonies from young ladies who serve as Bright Lights staff, chalk drawings, and harp music.

Click here to see a 2 minute video clip of Sarah Mally teaching at a Radiant Purity Conference in 2009.                                                                                 

Fathers & Mothers are encouraged to attend. Parents' sessions will include: Every Mother's Example, 40 Ways to Protect the Hearts of Your Daughters, and Talking to Young Men who Express Interest in Your Daughters.

Schedule: Friday evening from 6:00 - 9:00 PM; Saturday from 9:00 AM - 6:00 PM

Locations & Dates

Rogers, Arkansas June 28-29

Houston, Texas July 5-6

Dallas, Texas July 12-13

Columbus, Ohio August 12-13

Detroit, Michigan August 19-20

St. Cloud, Minnesota October 8-9

Cost: Regular Registration $15 per girl / $10 per parent

Late Registration (after June 11^th) $18 per girl / $12 per parent

To Register:

To register online, click here.

Visit the Bright Lights Website to learn more about the conferences.

For questions, feel free to e-mail the Bright Lights staff at conference@brightlightsministry.com  

Humility

Since this was our last lesson of the year, and since this is such a "fun" lesson topic, both of us gave the lesson, taking turns speaking.

Sylvia:

In my Bible reading a few weeks ago, I came across something I hadn’t noticed before: in Numbers 12:3 it says, “Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.” Obviously this is really significant; more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth is really humble! So what results do we see of that in Moses’s life? Well, he, along with his brother, led an entire nation out from under the control of the most powerful ruler of their time. Then he led this nation for decades, set up an extremely long-lasting government, and is now considered one of the greatest Bible “heroes.” Not only that, but the Lord says in Numbers 12:6-8, “When there is a prophet among you, I, the Lord, reveal myself to them in visions, I speak to them in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” No one else has ever spoken with God face to face since the garden of Eden. Evidently, there was something special about Moses. You know what it was?

It was this: Moses wasn’t special… but he knew that. Because Moses realized that he was not special and that none of these things were accomplished on his own strength and power, God was able to do amazing things through him!

Throughout the Bible – and the rest of History – there is a theme:

1.    someone receives a calling from God,

2.    they go do it, and

3.    they fall away from God (and sometimes repent later)

It happened to Solomon; it happened to David; it happened to many others… but it didn’t happen to Moses. Why? I think it’s because there’s another step in between #s 2 and 3: they become prideful because of “their” accomplishments. Moses didn’t have that problem except in one instance: where he struck the rock instead of speaking to it. He was punished for that, but since he repented and humbled himself, he didn’t actually fall away from God.

Jael:

There is nothing like teaching a lesson on humility to cause all the pride in the world to knock on your back door!  Wow!  I won't even begin to tell you all the opportunities I've thought that I've had to be prideful this past week!  Often, it's just a little something like, "You write much more spiritually enlightening lessons than Sylvia."  *facepalm*  Of course, as is VERY obvious with that last statement, most prideful thoughts that come into my brain are not true.  But once they come into your head, they are SO hard to get rid of!  My biggest problem is that, as soon as a prideful thought comes into my mind, I'm like, "Oh, darn!  A prideful thought is in my head.  Now I have to repent of it, and probably apologize to all the people involved."  But a few months ago, I was thinking about it, and I realized that just because a prideful thought tries to come into my head doesn't mean that I can let it in.  Just like with emails, you can see the subject line.  With prideful thoughts, you can see a glimpse of what's inside.  You can delete an email without looking at it.   That's what you need to do with prideful  thoughts.  Just say, "God!  Get rid of this thought!  I don't want to be prideful!"  And He does!  It's so amazing!  

So, just because you are tempted to think prideful thoughts doesn't mean you have to think them!

Sylvia:

Humility is one of the “big themes” in the Bible. Over and over, God’s word lists blessings that will be bestowed on the humble. God promises to “give favor” to the humble (Proverbs 3:34, James 5:6, 1 Peter 5:5), and to exalt them (Matthew 23:12, Luke 14:11). Wisdom (Proverbs 11:2) and honor (Proverbs 15:33) come with humility. Most importantly, God has promised to hear humble cries for forgiveness.  (2 Chronicles 7:14, 2 Chronicles 34:27, Psalm 51:17) As Jael said, many “heroes of Scripture” demonstrated traits of humility. John the Baptist, in addition to claiming that he was unworthy to untie Jesus’ sandals, said, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). Paul boasted about his weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Jesus Himself exemplified humility (Philippians 2:6-8).

Jael:  

As I was trying to put all the things that have been on my heart into words, a friend suggested that I look at chapter 14 in THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS.  I want to read it aloud to you.  Do understand that this is written by a demon named Screwtape to his nephew Wormwood.  Wormwood has a pet human that Wormwood is trying to get into hell.  Since it is written from a demon's perspective, "the Enemy" is Jesus.  Now, let me read it to you.  I'll pause every now and again to add a comment or explain something, but we should be able to get through it pretty smoothly.  :-)

Sylvia:

One huge blessing of humility is how much it can improve relationships. We’re going to do some skits to illustrate this point:

(Break girls into groups and hand each one a “situation.” They get 5 minutes to plan and 2 minutes to act.)

Situation #1:

You accused your brother of stealing your cookie, then realized that you had eaten it yourself. Your brother is upset with you for falsely accusing him, and you know you should apologize.

Response #1: You apologize humbly.  

Response #2: You refuse to apologize or else apologize grudgingly.

Situation #2:

You play an instrument.  After a performance, someone comes up to you, and tells you what a good job you did.

Response #1:  You say, "Thank you.  Praise be to God!"  They walk away thinking about God.

Response: #2:  You say, "Aww...it wasn't really that good."  They say, "Oh, but it was."  You reply, "It wasn't actually.  I can do much better."  They walk away thinking about you and your talents that you don't think are very good.

Jael:

In its simplest form, humility is bringing praise to God.  A girl who is humble doesn't want to draw attention to herself.  She simply wants her life to draw attention to Jesus.  Humility doesn't mean bashing yourself.  Humility means giving praise where praise is due, which is not you!  :-P  As Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Humility is the unabsorption with self.  Jesus was humble.  Follow Him.  Serve Him.  Then you will be truly humble.  

Cooking/Following Directions

To all the Bright Lights parents: Your daughters may have come home with some rather interesting stories to tell this evening. We apologize for the confusion that may have resulted, and also for the craziness of the evening! Here is the full account, as told by both Jael and Sylvia.

To all His Lighthouse boys: A few of you may have noticed something strange about snacks Tuesday evening... well, here is the explanation! We're sorry that you had to bear the consequences of our mistakes, but at least you got to taste my (Sylvia's) mother's fabulous raisin buns. ;)

Jael: This has to have been the most amusing and fun lesson EVER!

Sylvia: Um... sure. ;)

Jael: It all started a few weeks ago, when Sylvia talked with her grandma (the usual baker for His Lighthouse) about the Bright Lights making snacks for His Lighthouse.

Sylvia: Note how it all started with me. I’m such a troublemaker. :(

Jael: Well, she mentioned it to me, and I thought it was a splendid idea! So, we started looking up recipes to use for muffins. However, since we wanted to be nice to any boys who had allergies, we decided to steer clear of every allergy we knew existed within the group, which meant that we couldn't use milk, eggs, soy, or wheat. We were going to try to make 96 muffins, although only 24-48 would be the "special" ones. :-P

Sylvia: We had some debate over whether to do muffins. With gluten-free boys in His Lighthouse, I suggested making something else but then Jael had the brilliant idea of using rice flour. “Genius!” we both thought. (I, being the naturally trusting person that I am--)

Jael: *cough, cough*

Sylvia: Um, I, being the naturally trusting person that I am, assumed that Jael had experience baking with rice flour. (Mistake number one: making assumptions on such an important point)

Jael: I, being the naturally brilliant person that I am, figured that rice flour is basically the same as normal wheat flour. So, why would I need experience with it to cook with it? So, the lesson before the baking class, I calculated everything we'd need, and put the "special" ingredients (like rice milk and rice flour) on a letter to each girl. I highlighted whichever ingredient they were supposed to bring, and sent them home. (Mistake number two: I didn't give each girl an ingredient that she might have in her home already! I just randomly handed them out.) Stupidly, though, I didn't make clear that they were supposed to bring whatever their highlighted item was.

Sylvia: Actually, she did a great job of explaining that, I thought... but maybe a couple girls didn’t hear/understand? Anyway...

Jael: ...so, anyway, today, we were all ready. Everything that we could provide was provided, and all we needed was for each girl to bring her ingredient.

Sylvia: Jael arrived at our house as usual... without the muffin pans that she had planned to bring. (Third mistake...)

Jael: ...Or the aprons or spray oil (Fourth mistake).

Sylvia: That didn’t matter, because we had plenty of both.

Jael: I still forgot them. But anyway...

Sylvia: Then the girls started arriving. The blueberry yogurt and rice milk arrived without difficulty. The girl who had been assigned to bring blueberries forgot them at home, but as we had some, that didn’t matter. However, the next girl to arrive brought blueberries instead of rice flour.

Jael: She thought that each girl was supposed to pick an ingredient that they had on hand off the list to bring, which is very understandable. I think she thought the yellow meant that it was just an important ingredient (which is very true...). So, here we were, with blueberries, rice milk (thankfully, the other girl who was supposed to bring rice milk forgot it, because we had more than enough as it was!), blueberry yogurt, and no rice flour. Now, it occurred to me that we COULD use normal flour, and just not be totally allergic free, but Sylvia had the brilliant (no sarcasm) idea to grind rice in a blender, and use that as rice flour substitute. I, being the naturally trusting soul that I am--

Sylvia: No wait... WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS? o_O

Jael: My head, deary. Where else? But as I was saying, I, being the naturally trusting soul that I am, thought it was a brilliant idea.

Sylvia: *shakes head* Wow...

Jael: *looks at Sylvia dubiously*

Sylvia: Actually, just after the prayer and singing, I went upstairs to tell Mom our situation and ask if I could drive to the local grocery store and pick up some rice flour. She, however, had the brilliant idea to put rice in a blender and grind it up to make flour. So we did. And it actually looked okay when I did it... but then we put too much in and it didn’t grind properly, so I told Jael to take some out and grind it in smaller quantities.

Jael: ...which I did...

Sylvia: I don’t know what she did, because then I went to quiz half the girls on their Bible memory verses while Jael helped half the girls make muffins.

Jael: You see, we had split the girls into four teams: an older girl with an younger girl. Sylvia and I would each take charge of two teams. :-) So, my teams were first in the kitchen. I'm not sure why we did the allergen-free muffins first, considering we had "experimental rice flour." (Mistake number 5). But we started away, happy as anything. I was helping a younger girl make banana muffins (since her older partner wasn't able to be there), and the other team was making blueberry...both with rice milk and flour. Well, we had a blast mixing and commenting on how clumsy we all were.

Sylvia: In the meantime, I was sitting in the living room helping girls recite, glancing at the time and thinking, What is taking them so long?

Jael: We were noticing that the rice "flour" was a little grainy, but I figured that it wouldn't make much of a difference. So, finally, at long last, we finished, and put the muffin pans in the oven. (Yes, we did need one more full-sized muffin pan, but we made do with two small muffin pans.) I happily closed the oven doors, assuming that, in 30 minutes, we'd happily be carrying 48 beautiful muffins over. Of course, I knew by that point that the other muffins probably wouldn't get done in time, because they all had to bake for about half an hour.

Sylvia: I was a little worried, knowing this fact, but thought that at least we would have the allergen-free muffins to take over. All the same, I was hoping we would have enough time to finish the chocolate muffins, so two of the girls and I sped through the process of mixing them up. Then we remembered: “Oh, wait... we don’t have any extra muffin tins.” So then I peeked into the oven to see how the other muffins were coming along. Now, I have had my share of cooking failures (as my brothers will be happy to testify), so I did not scream or faint or otherwise outwardly panic. I merely shut the oven door, took a couple deep breaths, and thought, “Um... this is not good.”

Jael: I was happily sitting in the living room, quizzing my girls on their verses when Sylvia came in.

Sylvia: By this time, Mother had realized that something was wrong and had come downstairs. She, too, opened the oven door, looked at the muffins, and closed the door again.

Jael: Of all this, I was oblivious!

Sylvia: For which you should be grateful!

Jael: *grins* So, there I am, quizzing Bible verses, when Sylvia comes in. I looked up, and she beckons me to the kitchen, so I hand the Bible over to another girl to continue quizzing and follow her. She opens the oven door, and shows me some of the saddest looking muffins I have ever seen in my life. It seriously looked like a cake!

Sylvia: Not even that! It looked like a mix between oatmeal and cornbread.

Jael: The banana ones did. The blueberry ones were a tad better: they hadn't overflowed each individual cup, and therefore looked like so many purple Reese's peanut butter cups minus the wrapper.

Sylvia: More like purple tapioca pudding...

Jael: Yeah, the rice was a little prominent in both batches.

Sylvia: Make that VERY prominent.

Jael: And Sylvia even forgot to take pictures of them! (Mistake number 6)

Sylvia: Believe me, we want to forget them, not take pictures to keep for eternity. :P

Jael: Anyway, I looked at them in astonishment. Now, if I had been my normal self, I might have started freaking out right then and there, but THANKFULLY, I had been "rather" slap-happy all evening--

Sylvia: For that we are very grateful! :D

Jael: --and so when I saw all the poor little muffins sitting in their pans, I just started to giggle. I'm sure Sylvia saw nothing funny in the matter--

Sylvia: Oh, I thought it was hilarious! ;D

Jael: Oh, well, good! But anyway, I saw them, and thought, "Well, we tried and we had fun!" Mrs. Peterson, bless her, was microwaving some frozen raisin buns to come to the rescue. I mean, when it's 7:55, and the muffins are due at 8:00, emergency measures must be taken!

Sylvia: My mother is AMAZING.

Jael: I second that!

Sylvia: She made those buns that afternoon, and without them, we probably would not have lived to tell the tale of this most interesting evening. ;)

Jael: So, once the buns were thawed, Sylvia put the pan in my hands, and said, "Okay! YOU go take them over, and speak to no one, and come right back." So, I did. :-) Thankfully, no one but Sylvia's grandma was in the house when we came in, and so we just had to explain that the muffins hadn't turned out. Then, as we were leaving, someone said that more were coming, which was mistake number 7. (I don't think it was me, but it's been such a long day that I really have no clue.)

Sylvia: So they returned... I was, in the meantime, scraping these grainy, mushy banana muffin-things (the girls called them “mushins”) out of the pans. The banana “mushins” were too grainy to really be edible, but the blueberry muffins, despite their slightly interesting texture, were actually quite good! :D

Jael: They were good! Kinda like blueberry crunch toast. :-) Except softer. So, we were happily eating at about 8:20 when the phone rings and it's Sylvia's grandma, asking if we were bringing anything more over. They were making all the poor boys wait! So, Mrs. Peterson (the amazing and awesome) found some cookies and some of the girls (not me!) dashed them over. *looks at Sylvia*

Sylvia: *looks at Jael*

Jael: And that's pretty much the end. We finished scraping out the banana mushins, and put them in a bag for one of the girls to bring to feed her goats. The chocolate muffins finished just as the last girls were getting ready to leave. The blueberry ones were half gone, and I'm sure some people will enjoy eating and laughing over them.

Sylvia: We wished desperately that we had made the chocolate muffins first, but alas; that didn’t happen. ;) But we learned many things... for one,

Jael: Never put rice in the blender to substitute for rice flour.

Sylvia: Never assume that Jael has tried something before.

Jael: Always blame Sylvia.

Both: ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS test recipes before promising to feed 25 hungry boys!

Sylvia: And always laugh when crazy stuff like this happens. ‘Cause it’s funny. :D

Jael: Many worse things can happen in life, and why not laugh at something while it's happening instead of waiting 20 years to laugh at it!? And, uh, yes, my lesson was on "not skipping steps".

Sylvia: And have fun blogging about your mistakes! ;D

Jael: And that is how our worst lesson yet in terms of visible success was actually the best one we've had yet, in turns of fun and laughter!

Siblings

Last week, Sylvia talked about friends, right? And one of her main points was that friends influence each other, whether intentionally or not. Therefore, we should be very careful in choosing our friends. But did you know that God had chosen friends for you? And they actually aren't as hard to find as you might think. And I can name them. Sophie, you have a God-ordained friend called Sebastian! And Daisy, you have one named Sam, and one named Ida, and and one named Gus, and one named Becca.

Oh! No groaning! I am a firstborn, as are several of you, and so I can attest well to the annoyance of having siblings sometimes. But, you know, most of the annoyance is really MY problem. For example, if a friend (outside the family) accidentally kicked me in the shin rather hard, I'd just laugh, and say, "oh, it's okay." But if a SIBLING should happen to kick me, it would sound more like, "You JERK!! How DARE you kick me! I didn't even do anything to you!" And then, much to my shame, I would probably kick them back. My problem is that I have different "grace" gauges for my siblings and my friends outside the family.

In order to do that, I need to have a different view of my siblings! They aren't just annoying people who happen to have had the misfortune to be born into my family with the sole purpose of annoying me! They are God's little gifts to me.

Yes, gifts. I call them that because God has a great sense of humor when he gives gifts. He doesn't give us gifts that help our strengths - he gives us gifts that strengthen our weaknesses! Which is why I have my siblings. I still haven't figured out what all their "Jael-weakness-fixing" features are, but I do know a few.
Abi corrects my talking tendency. It's been said that the thing that annoys you most in other people is what you are most guilty of. So, when I feel myself getting annoyed that Abi is talking ALL THE TIME, I just resolve to talk less. It actually does work. (Don't laugh. I talk less than I used to...I think.)

Mike corrects my anger and picking-fights tendency. Everyone has a sibling that is much too like them for comfort. Mike is mine. We both have quick tempers, and we both love picking fights. (These things that I'm admitting are NOT things you want to copy.) Therefore, whenever I get annoyed at him for picking a fight with his brother, or snapping back at Mom, I just pray for him, and ask God to deliver me from those same tendencies.

Johnny corrects all my pampered tendencies. Whenever I get annoyed at him for acting spoiled, I have to think, "Do I act like that sometimes?" The answer is always yes, and therefore I give him a little more grace. :-)

See how that works? Instead of judging your siblings, and reacting hastily, first pause and think, "what is God trying to use them for?"

Sarah Mally told a story where her younger sister Grace was CONSTANTLY asking her to do stuff. "Sarah, can you go get me a glass of milk?" "Sarah, can you run downstairs and get me that book?" "Sarah, can you come help me do this?" All these distractions were really annoying Sarah, until she realized that God was probably using Grace to work a servant's heart in her (Sarah). As soon as she realized this, she started consciously seeking to serve her sister, jumping up eagerly whenever her sister asked her to to something. And you know what? Within a few days of deciding to serve her sister in whatever possible, Sarah noticed that Grace was no longer asking her for anything. So, God often uses your siblings to teach you stuff.
But, in order to WANT to serve them, you have to be able to see the good things in them. Everyone can see the good in their friends, right?

Abi, what do you like most in your best friend?

How about you, Cecily?

See? They were able to find something good about their friend, and I'm sure that, if we had given them more time, they could have kept talking about their friends for several more hours.

Now. A challenge. Starting with Sylvia, let's go around the room and name one good thing about each sibling. So, Sylvia will say 7 things, and Sophie will say 1.

[after going around the circle] Now, that was fun wasn't it? [wink] But you were able to think up one good thing, weren't you?

I want everyone to take out your handout, because we are going to be writing some stuff down. First, I want everyone to take a minute and write down each good thing that you mentioned. BUT...no talking meanwhile. :-)

Okay. Everyone done? Now, I want each of you to tell each and every sibling what you appreciate about them, sometime this week. It can be just what's on your list, or it can be other things. You don't have to go up and randomly say something like, "Hey Abi, you know what? You're good at spelling." You COULD if you want to, but I'd suggest something a little more subtle, like, as Abi is drawing, I come over and peek over her shoulder and say, "Wow! You are great at drawing, Abi!" Find subtle ways to tell them. Tell them at least once a week. Siblings need to be built up. I once heard that it takes ten encouraging words to rectify the damage done by one discouraging word. So encourage your siblings. It will make a difference!

Now. A harder part. I want you to write down at least two ways you could serve your siblings. This could include doing their chores for them every once in a while, or just playing with them. Whatever your siblings enjoy doing (or don't enjoy).

The third section is to be used to remind you to have a "serve a sibling" day. Once, when I was about 7, my parents encouraged me to have a serve a sibling day with Mike. Our relationship was REALLY rocky, and they wanted me to try serving him for a day. So, grudgingly, I did so. I did whatever he wanted to do, like play wiffle ball, and swing on the swing set, or play cars. I actually enjoyed it, and there were zero fights that day. Mom and Dad, of course were thrilled. So, they asked me, "Now, wouldn't you like that every day?" And me, being stupid and stubborn, said, "No." [facepalm] So, Mike and my relationship continued to be rocky for years. It is finally starting to improve, but how much better would it have been if I had only listened to my parents, and irked on my relationship with Mike when I was little.

So, what you are supposed to do with this section is to pick at least one day in the next two weeks in which you will pick one sibling in specific to serve. So, Cecily will pick six days (since Leif is a little hard to serve) in the next two week in which she can serve each sibling. Sophie will pick one (although you can do as many as you want) in which to serve Sebastian. The idea is to get so used to serving our siblings that we do it unconsciously.

Let me warn you, though. Satan HATES it when siblings get along! So, he will put every roadblock possible in your way to keep you from serving them. He will make you even more easily annoyed that you were before! He will make your siblings more annoying than before. He is the father of dissension (think about it - he's been at is since Cain and Abel), so don't expect to be let off the hook easily. This past week or two (ever since I decided to do this lesson), I have been kinda half-heatedly trying to serve my siblings, and be kind to them, and all that jazz. But let me tell you! It has been the roughest week ever! I snap at them SO easily! Everything they do annoys me. Abi has been obsessed with Narnia for a few weeks, and instead of asking her politely to stop, I saying something more like, "Abi! Will you stop talking about Narnia!? I'm sick of hearing about it!" This isn't a good way to respond. Just saying.

But what can be done about that pet peeve that your sibling does? Maybe it's something small, like talking about Narnia non-stop or spilling water onto the counter after washing dishes. Or maybe it's bigger, like making faces at you in public or singing off key on purpose. Whatever it is, there is ALWAYS that pet-peeve (or two or three) that just drives you nuts! How do you deal with it?

Well, I can think of a couple remedies. The first and most powerful is to pray about it. Pray for your sibling, and then look at you, and see what might be in YOU that is causing that peeve to annoy you.

After that step, go to your sibling, and intentionally talk about the peeve. Say something like, "Hey [whoever], I know you probably don't realize it, but there is one thing that you do that really annoys me. Could you please stop?" Then, ask them if there is anything that you do that annoys them, and you can both work on stopping the peeves at the same time. Kinda like mutual encouragement. You will probably also want to include your parents on this one, since they are great arbitrators.

If your sibling rejects your plea in the second step, go to your parents, and explain the problem. They will help you take care of it.

So, I want to pause here for a second, and let everyone write down a pet peeve or two, and, when you get home, I want you to first pray about it, and then talk to your sibling about it.

This process is actually spelled out in the Bible in Matthew 18. "If your brothers sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen to you, take one or two others with you, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refused to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (Matthew 18:15-17)
This means that you address it individually, and then go to higher courts. :-)

Okay. I'll let you write now.

Now, the final part. What is the best way to get a better relationship with your siblings?

Can anyone guess?

Yes! Prayer! Pray without ceasing! Your siblings need your prayers! YOU need your prayers! God loves it when siblings get along. He even put a Bible verse in about it! Psalm 133:1: "Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity." So pray as if your life depended on it, because your relationship does! There's nothing that look more stupid that adults arguing with their siblings. (Trust me, I've seen it!) So work on your sibling relationships now, 'cause they won't get any easier!

And if your siblings become your friends, you are guaranteed friends for the rest of your life, 'cause your siblings ain't never going away! You will always have contact with them, unlike any of your other friends. :-)

Friends

Tonight was a rather unusual meeting! Since Jael's family was out of town, Jael and Abi "participated" in the meeting via Skype. They even got to participate in one of the activities, using email instead of pencil and paper. :)

Since photos are usually by Jael when Sylvia does the lesson, she used screenshots to take pictures from her perspective... that is, the webcam. :D They may not be the best quality, but here they are:

Sophia and Mary

Daisy :)

Making muffins

The Lesson:

Tonight, the lesson topic is “friends”. As girls, we tend to need our friends! Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you need other people around you. God has designed us to function with others; there's a reason that solitary confinement is one of the worst tortures the Germans inflicted on prisoners during World War II.

Who here doesn’t want friends? (silence) Okay; who does? (everyone raises their hands)

While your parents and siblings should be some of your best friends, friendships outside your family can be very beneficial as well. However, as your parents have probably told you many times, you need to be careful when “choosing” your friends.

To a point, you don’t exactly choose your friends; you naturally become friends with people whom you happen to be around a lot. People you see at Lyceum… people who live in your neighborhood… people who always seem to be invited to the same parties as you… etc. But you do have the ability to choose who you make an effort to spend time with. And the people you spend time with the most will be the people who influence the kind of person you become. If you hang around someone who loves Ninja, you start wanting to play Ninja more. Trust me; I've been this influence on several of my friends! If you are always with someone who loves glorpes, you will be persuaded to love glorpes too. Of course, you can fight that influence… if you think Buggles are better than glorpes or if you hate Ninja and would rather play Frisbee, you can resist your friend’s endeavors to “change your mind” for you. However, it’s much harder to resist the influence of a friend – someone you like – to someone you don’t like or don’t hang out with much.

Friends’ influence isn’t merely "games and glorpes", though. If you spend enough time with someone, you start acting like them – maybe borrowing their favorite phrases or words, or treating your siblings the way they treat theirs. Often it’s unconscious. I once talked to a girl who was struggling because her friends at school all used bad language. Even though she tried not to say the bad words they did, she told me that when she stubbed her toe or something, she had started to use those words. She knew they were wrong, and she honestly tried not use them, but since her friends were always swearing, swearing seemed like the natural thing to do whenever she was off guard.

And the influence can be even more subtle. About seven years ago, I was in a kids’ choir that had long rehearsals every week, with a lot of free time before, during, and after each rehearsal. That free time was spent talking, and one girl in particular became my friend during that time. She was nice, but her favorite topic of conversation was her brother… and all of the horrible things he did to her. She always seemed to be complaining about him, so guess what I started to do? At that time, I only had two brothers and one sister, but I started complaining to her about all of them, constantly finding fault with them, and seeing the negative rather than the positive. And this wasn’t just “teasing” complaining, it was more like “look at me, I'm so pitiful; I have a horrible life because of my brother” complaining. It was actually a good thing for me when this choir ended and I didn’t see this girl anymore.

Now, I'm not saying that just because your friend complains about her siblings that you shouldn’t talk to her anymore. The situation wouldn’t have been a problem for me if I'd been willing to counter her negativity with a positive attitude. However, since I wasn’t mature enough to do that, the friendship dragged me down and started to damage the relationships I had with my siblings.

We should never be in a hurry to end a friendship, but sometimes it is needful. If a friend is drawing you away from God or causing you to stumble in another way, you need to do something about it.

As with just about everything, the first step is to look at yourself. Think, “is this problem coming from me? What can I do to fix it?”

The second step, if you decide that you can’t fix the problem, is to go to your parents… which you should probably do in either case. Let your parents guide you through the process.

Next, go talk to your friend about it. It’s important to be humble and let them know that you’re not perfect- that you need help in this area. If the problem is that they use bad words, tell them that you’re struggling because your parents don’t want you to say those words, and ask them to please help you out by not saying words like that around you. Do NOT preach at them; be humble and loving.

If the friend is not a Christian, you need to be extra careful. Humility is vital- explain your standards and ask for their help. Be firm and don’t act like you’re ashamed of your beliefs or your parents’ rules, but be loving and humble. Remember, this is your friend! Don’t threaten to end your friendship with them; make it clear that you care about them. Then, talk to your parents again. If your parents tell you it would be wise to end the friendship, have them guide you heavily through the process. Remember humility! And remember that you are a witness to your friend; you reflect Christ to them. Your influence may eventually bring them to salvation.

It’s never about what we get out of a friendship; friendships are all about giving to others. However, our relationship with Christ comes first. That’s why, when a friendship threatens to seriously injure our relationship with God, we might have to get out of that friendship, or at least avoid being around that friend until we’re mature enough to handle whatever temptation comes from them.

Now, what if your problem isn’t that your friends are influencing you badly, but that your friends aren’t influencing you- because you don’t have close friends?

Guess what? Just about every girl goes through this at one time or another. I went through a period of about three years where I had hardly any friends. It was a huge struggle, and I was extremely lonely, but it was actually a blessing. God kept me from having friends those years because He wanted me to draw closer to Him and realize that He was enough for all my needs.

“Ironically”, it was just when I realized that I was happy without other friends because I had Jesus that He brought friends into my life. Bright Lights started- not this group, but Allison Whisler’s group in O'Fallon. I started forming great relationships with the girls in Bright Lights, especially with the girls in my small group. Then, God decided to bring an amazing girl into my life. This friendship started out in a really, really weird way… the girl first shoved me down the 7-story slide at the City Museum since I refused to go down it on my own, and then in Drama was cast as a nasty schoolgirl who kept insulting me and was supposed to try and hit me with a pie. It was a “fun” friendship; we were always insulting each other… but then, one day, she put an anonymous letter on my chair in Bright Lights. The thoughtfulness in that letter showed me that this wasn’t an ordinary girl… and so our friendship grew deeper. She encouraged me in my faith; she was willing to share her struggles with me and help me with mine; she lovingly and honestly told me my faults when I asked her; she prayed for me; she always led me back to God. I had never had such a friend before. I'm talking about Kalei Swogger.

Years before, I'd wanted a “true friend” who would be fun to hang out with, a positive influence, sweet, kind, etc. Kalei was that friend, but God had a bigger picture in mind than I did. He wanted me to develop a wonderful relationship with Him FIRST. When He had completed this, then He gave me Kalei… and soon, more friendships began growing… real, valuable friendships. Kalei was the first of many “true friends” whom I could trust and enjoy spending time with. It wasn’t until I got to the point where I didn’t need human friendships that God decided to grant all of my desires. That’s the way He works… He wants to make us fully dependent on Him so that we don’t need anything else to complete us or make us happy. And then, He showers blessings on us so that we have far more than we ever dreamed of having! Thus, we have a second, optional memory verse for this week which you can learn for extra points: Psalm 37:4. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. It’s on your lesson booklet under the actual memory verse, which is 2 Timothy 2:22. (Anyone going to have trouble remembering that reference?) I'll pass out the lesson booklets now, and while you’re putting them in your notebooks, I'll explain our next activity.